1. Take inventory. Pull your credit report to get an idea of everything that is out there. Be aware that some lines of credit may not be reported to a credit bureau. For example, you may have a credit account with your dentist office or other private service provider. Look through past records to try to identify any creditor you may have overlooked that is not on your credit report.

2. Remove your spouse as an authorized user. Your credit report will note who is an authorized user on an account. Leaving your spouse as an authorized user is dangerous. It gives them the authority to charge, but not the responsibility for the debt. You can have them removed by simply calling the credit card company. Additionally, it’s just as important for you to be removed as an authorized user on your spouse’s accounts. If your spouse does not pay, that unsettled debt can be reflected on your credit report. If your spouse refuses to do it, call the credit card company yourself. If they will not allow you to remove yourself, contact the credit reporting agency and dispute their including it on your credit report.

3. Separate joint accounts. This can be more difficult. The details of separating joint accounts will vary depending on the divorce settlement. For example, the person who stays in the house may be responsible for paying the mortgage. If this is the case, it would be best to refinance into the responsible person’s name. If it’s not possible to separate a joint account, add conditions to your divorce settlement to protect yourself. For example, if your spouse is going to miss a payment, they must notify you in advance. It’s not fair for you to make the payment, but doing so will protect your credit. Keep track of those instances so you can recover the funds in court at a later time. Ask the lender to send a copy of the statement to both of you, so you can keep track of any delinquencies. By doing so now extinguish your spouse’s ability to take all of your joint funds without your knowledge or consent.

Lastly, be sure to protect yourself from yourself. It’s not uncommon to incur a lot of credit card debt when transitioning from married life to single life. It’s difficult for individuals to adjust to the restrictions of just one income. Have a realistic post-divorce budget and stick to it.

Your child has (or children have) the right to freely love both parents. You may have bitter feelings or feelings of indifference towards your ex, but don’t let those feelings ruin your child’s relationship with you or their other parent. You may find out that those feelings may have a greater negative impact on your relationship with your child/children than expected.

Putting together a parenting plan will help each party see that the needs of the children are the utmost priority. If the parties cannot agree, the courts will intervene to resolve visitation, support and custody.

What does it mean to parent together? It is the best alternative to the situation that the family has been placed. It means:

• Having a comprehensive parenting plan that addresses responsibilities of each parent. Be understanding as to the needs of the child/children.
• Communicating with your ex-spouse. If schedules change, communicate. If there is an illness, communicate.
• Honor the parenting plan that has been established.
• Be as consistent as possible in discipline. Nothing causes more confusion than completely different discipline actions.
• Always think about the children and their best interests first.

You have seen good divorced parents and bad divorced parents. You maybe have been involved in conversations wondering why the ex-spouses can’t get along even for the children.

But you may have also had the conversation praising the ex-couple that are pleasantly co-parenting – being communicative, a parenting team, even though they are divorced. While you shouldn’t be concerned what other people say, you should be concerned what your children say and how they are adjusting to their new life, being separated from a parent they love.

It will take a great deal of work on both sides, but parenting together is the best choice in raising your children and working through the struggles that may occur. Having a solid parenting plan may be the best solution to a difficult situation.

A custodial parent may not remove the child from Massachusetts without the consent of the other parent or order of the court.  The temporary restraining order here makes no difference.  The wife needs to apply for and receive permission to remove the child before she leaves.  The husband in these circumstances could obtain an order compelling the child’s return to Massachusetts if the wife leaves with the child before receiving the court’s approval to do so.

Attorney Answer:

You have more than one issue here.  First, is this an alimony case, meaning is there a disparity in your incomes that could allow a judge to award alimony?  The length of your marriage is a factor here.  Residing with your significant other also is a factor that would prohibit you from obtaining alimony.  Secondly, are there children involved?  If so, your significant other’s income would not be counted toward a child support award.  However, his contributions toward the household and your expenses must be disclosed on your financial statement and MAY, but not must,  be considered by a judge when setting child support.  Thirdly, I would not recommend obtaining assets while you are still married.  You certainly have an argument that these assets are yours, however, there is case law that states that this is not always the case.  Finally, my advice is that you proceed with your divorce  now rather than risk the consequences of doing nothing.

Can my husband that I have been separated from for 16 years get half of my 401k?  We were married in 1993, separated in 1996, and we never got divorced.  We just went our separate ways, we didn’t have property or other assets to divide.  Will we be entitled to 50% of each other’s current assets when we get divorced? I still live in Leicester, MA where we were married and he moved out of state.

ATTORNEY ANSWER:

Do you want to divide each other’s assets?  Also, are there children?  Did he support them, or were you the one to financially and emotionally support these children?  Did you work to allow him to obtain an advanced degree so that he could earn more money?  This is a factual question and arguments could be made both ways depending on the facts and circumstances.

Leicester Divorce Attorney,  Geoffrey German, concentrates in divorce and family law matters and serves clients in Leicester and the surrounding Greater Worcester towns and cities including: Auburn, Boylston, Grafton, Holden, Millbury, Shrewsbury, and West Boylston.

My husband and I are getting divorced.  He works and I am a stay at home mom in Grafton, MA.  He has been spending money on frivolous things, he just bought himself an expensive new car.  Will his expenditures be considered when we divorce and will I be responsible for 50% of these bills?

ATTORNEY ANSWER:

If your divorce has been filed, I would certainly attribute his frivolous expenditures to him.  He could be violating the automatic restraining order if he is using marital assets to finance his purchases.  Are you still living with him?  Is he paying all of the household expenses?  If you are not living with him, does he pay you child support?  Alimony?  Is he still paying the mortgage?  Obviously, the precise answer to your question is factually driven.

Grafton Divorce Lawyer, Geoffrey German, concentrates in divorce and family law matters and assists individuals and couples with all divorce matters including child custody  in the Greater Worcester area including the towns and cities of: Holden, Auburn, Leicester, Millbury, Grafton, Shrewsbury, Boylston and West Boylston.

My husband and I are getting divorced after an 8 year marriage. We have 3 young children and haven’t come to an agreement as to how to split their time with me in our Worcester home and time with their father, and both sets of grandparents want to see the kids too.   My parents want their visitation written into the divorce agreement, is something that usually is included in divorce agreements?

ATTORNEY ANSWER:

Grandparents are not parties to a divorce action and cannot  be written into an enforceable parenting time order in a divorce.  I suggest that the grandparents see the children during each of the parents’ time with the children.  There are certain instances where grandparents can file for grandparents visitation rights, but that is a separate action.  Of course if you and your husband cannot agree on parenting time between the two of you it will be left to the court to decide.  You would be better off deciding the issue yourselves than having the court make a decision that neither one of you may like. 

Greater Worcester Divorce Lawyer and Child Custody Attorney, Geoffrey German, concentrates in divorce and family law matters and assists individuals and couples with all divorce matters including child custody in the Greater Worcester area including the towns and cities of: Holden, Auburn, Leicester, Millbury, Grafton, Shrewsbury, Boylston and West Boylston.

My son, his girlfriend and our granddaughter have been living with his father and me in our home in Worcester.  He has been the primary caregiver. His girlfriend recently moved out with the baby. I called social services and they said the mom has custody until a court hearing, and we can’t even see the baby, what can we do?

ATTORNEY ANSWER:

Your son needs to file a Complaint in the Worcester Probate and Family Court seeking custody and a motion for temporary custody immediately.  It is true that an unmarried mother in Massachusetts has custody in the absence of a court order to the contrary. 

Worcester Divorce Lawyer and Child Custody Attorney, Geoffrey German, concentrates in divorce and family law matters and assists individuals and couples with all divorce matters including child custody in Worcester Massachusetts and all of Worcester county including the towns and cities of: Holden, Auburn, Leicester, Millbury, Grafton, Shrewsbury, Boylston and West Boylston.

I have been divorced for 8 years. My 17 year-old daughter doesn’t want to visit her dad every weekend.  We live in Worcester and he lives nearly 2 hours away.  This must happen with other families. What do they do and what happens to the visitation schedule when she moves away for college?

ATTORNEY ANSWER:

When your daughter turns 18, she is no longer a minor and not subject to the visitation schedule.  You have to decide whether it is worth it to you  to pursue a modification in the Probate and Family Court seeking to change the visitation schedule until she is 18. 

Worcester Divorce Attorney, Geoffrey German, concentrates in divorce and family law matters and assists individuals and couples with all divorce modifications including visitation in Worcester Massachusetts and all of Worcester county including the towns and cities of: Holden, Auburn, Leicester, Millbury, Grafton, Shrewsbury, Boylston and West Boylston.

My husband filed for divorce 2 months ago, we are reconciling and he just moved back into our Northborough home.  He has called his lawyer to drop the suit. His lawyer told him that he and I both need to come in and sign papers. What kind of papers could they be and is it necessary?

ATTORNEY ANSWER:

If you and your husband are reconciling, you need to sign a stipulation of dismissal of the divorce, and counterclaim, if any.  Under the Rules of Domestic Procedure, any party that has appeared in the action, must sign a consent to dismissal.  Otherwise it would have to be dismissed by a judge upon motion. 

Northborough Divorce Attorney, Geoffrey German, concentrates in divorce and family law matters to individuals and couples in Northborough Massachusetts and in the cities and towns surrounding Worcester including Shrewsbury, Westborough, Grafton, Millbury, Auburn, Leicester, Holden and West Boylston.